Funny jokes I heard in church.

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SpikedCoffey
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Funny jokes I heard in church.

Post by SpikedCoffey »

OK so my church is definately not a uptight as most and for that reason reason you hear a lot of funny jokes, one of these was from my pastor.


The pastor went out to visit an old farmer that couldn't make it to church anymore. When he did the farmer told the pastor, "Preacher, I'm not gonna last much longer but I'd like for you to just do a brief prayer at my funeral. I've made arrangements to be buried right here on the farm, and don't have any relatives left to attend. So if you can just drive by the farm on your way home and look to see that I'm still alive, you don't even need to get out the car." So for the next month the pastor went by and looked through the windows to make sure the old farmer was still alive until one day. The pastor pulled up into the farmers driveway and saw two guys in construction worker uniforms lowering a box into a big whole in the ground. The pastor gets out of his car, walks up to the hole and breaks out in this really long beautiful prayer. After which he just gets in the car and drives off. One of the construction workers looked at the other one and said, "I've installed a lot of septic tanks but I've never seen anything like that before."

An old man and an old woman are sitting next to each other in church. All of a sudden the old woman leans over to the old man and whispers, "I just quitely passed a lot of gas, what do I do?" The old man chuckles and says "Well if I was you I'd start by getting my hearing aid battery fixed."

The world famous evangelist Billy Graham is in the back his limo out in the middle of nowhere trying to get to the airport. He looks out the window and notices that they are going the wrong way. The driver admits that he is a little lost and Billy Graham said, "I know this town like the back of my hand, let me drive." So Billy and the driver switch places. While driving Billy accidentally runs a red light and a cop pulls him over. The cop walks up to the window, sees whose driving the limo and walks back to his car and gets on the radio. He radios his Sarge and says "Sarge, we make special exceptions for important people don't we?" The sarge says, "You didn't pull over the chief of police again did you?" The officer responds "No sir, not since August." The sarge says, "Dang boy, It wasn't the Mayor again was it?" The officer replies, "No sir, not since last week. This guy is a lot higher up!" The sarge says "Well who in the heck did you pull over?" The officer replies "I don't know but hes got Billy Graham driving for him."
I rode a tank and held a generals rank,
When the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank.
I shouted out 'Who killed the Kennedys?'
When after all it was you and me.
Let me please introduce myself, Im a man of wealth and taste.
And I laid traps for troubadours who get killed before they reached bombay.
Pleased to meet you hope you guessed my name.
But whats puzzling you is the nature of my game.
PuPPy
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Post by PuPPy »

next time tell a joke that's not as long as the bible itself

but it's funny one ;)
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